At today’s Pentagon, you’re free to worship any way we tell you.
Our latest Whiskey Leaks satire takes Secretary Hegseth’s military chaplaincy overhaul to its logical, gold-plated extreme: an Office of Religious Affairs where the line to senior management is direct, the spiritual guidance is confidential, and the security camera is there for your comfort.
Because nothing puts a service member at ease like wondering whether God and their boss compare notes.
A more perfect theocracy
Military chaplains can provide something essential: someone to turn to when service gets hard. That trust deserves protection. Turning the chaplaincy into another expression of the boss’s religious politics puts that trust at risk.
We served alongside people with different beliefs. We trusted each other with our lives. Nobody needed a matching statement of faith to do the job.
That’s the target of this piece: Christian nationalism dressed up as military readiness. The idea that belonging to the country means belonging to the right religion—and that the people holding your career in their hands should get to decide which one that is.
One nation.
Under God.
Or else.
Freedom of religion shouldn’t require the right religion.
Because fuck these people.
