Resist fascism and authoritarian rule.
Satire
The Pentagon’s strategy: fewer plans, more glands. Exit strategies are out, leg day is mandatory, and forever war comes with automatic renewal. Operation Enduring Manhood delivers testosterone-fueled foreign policy and premium-priced chaos. No exit plan. No unsubscribe button. Just endless invoices.
Satire
#hhs Ending press conferences as a means to deter transmission of disease.
Satire
#trump Premier Trump wants a massive Belarusian potash deal. Lukashenko is delighted. Yuri checks the ledger. Then he checks the other page.
Satire
#trump The authors oppose evidence that requires public investment. This has had no influence on their findings, because the findings came first.
Satire
#hhs “Where conventional epidemiology asks what caused the death, the Cannidy-Rogaine protocol asks whether the death can be made less administratively inconvenient.”
Satire
#hhs Cannidy recommends that future foodborne outbreaks be managed by withholding definitive guidance until restaurants, customers, social media users, and the parasite itself reach a working consensus.
Satire
#hhs Vaccination → Something Happened → Therefore Vaccination Requires Further Investigation
Satire
#hhs The principal advantage of outcome-first epidemiology is that the hypothesis cannot fail; only the evidence can.
Satire
#hhs A groundbreaking trial finds SSRIs overly supervised, horse paste spiritually liberating, and raccoon reproductive tissue tragically underutilized in modern psychiatric care.
Satire
#hhs At zero advisers, no dissenting scientific opinion can be recorded, no recommendation can conflict with policy, and no advisory committee can subsequently be accused of being ignored.
Satire
#putin Hungary not like Putin now. Belarus ready to fill gap.
Satire
#hhs "Unexpected clinical benefit remains one of the most reliable indicators that a research program has departed from approved conclusions.”