Resist fascism and authoritarian rule.
Satire
#hhs “Where conventional epidemiology asks what caused the death, the Cannidy-Rogaine protocol asks whether the death can be made less administratively inconvenient.”
Satire
#hhs Cannidy recommends that future foodborne outbreaks be managed by withholding definitive guidance until restaurants, customers, social media users, and the parasite itself reach a working consensus.
Satire
#hhs Vaccination → Something Happened → Therefore Vaccination Requires Further Investigation
Satire
#hhs The principal advantage of outcome-first epidemiology is that the hypothesis cannot fail; only the evidence can.
Satire
#hhs A groundbreaking trial finds SSRIs overly supervised, horse paste spiritually liberating, and raccoon reproductive tissue tragically underutilized in modern psychiatric care.
Satire
#hhs At zero advisers, no dissenting scientific opinion can be recorded, no recommendation can conflict with policy, and no advisory committee can subsequently be accused of being ignored.
Satire
#putin Hungary not like Putin now. Belarus ready to fill gap.
Satire
#hhs "Unexpected clinical benefit remains one of the most reliable indicators that a research program has departed from approved conclusions.”
Satire
#hhs A revolutionary new method proves causation by removing complexity, ignoring competing explanations, and beginning with the conclusion.
Satire
#hhs “If catastrophe has not occurred at the moment of measurement, the observed catastrophe rate is zero. This is what the numbers say.” Dr. Shawn Hannity
Satire
#hhs In a groundbreaking study, we have determined that science is in fact wrong.
Satire
#hhs Long-term survival following vaccination remains unconfirmed, and investigators warn that the final mortality figures may not be known for decades.