MINSK (Molodnaia Pravda Bureau of Illiberal Brotherhood Affairs & Hybrid Warfare,
Dmitri reporting, who has been ask to be sensitive today
because Supreme Leader is in emotional state) —
Supreme Leader Lukashenko has this week receive news
that his closest ideological colleague,
longest-serving fellow traveler in the project of
democracy that work better when outcome is already decide,
and only European Union head of state who return his phone call,
Comrade Viktor Orbán of Hungary,
is facing serious electoral challenge from opposition Tisza party
and may lose power on April 12, 2026.
Lukashenko read this news.
He sit down.
He stand up.
He sit down again.
He pour glass.
He pour second glass for portrait of himself on wall,
because this is moment that require two people
and Yuri is still writing on his hand.
Supreme Leader Lukashenko, from Presidential Administration, voice slightly unsteady in way Yuri officially log as “ceremonial emotion, state function, do not note in record” and then note in record anyway:
“Orbán is not just colleague. Orbán is not just fellow leader
of what Western media call ‘hybrid regime,’
as if hybrid is bad thing, which it is not, hybrid is efficient.
Orbán is — and Lukashenko say this with full sincerity
that he reserve for very few people, currently: himself —
Orbán is the only man in European Union
who look at Lukashenko
and see not dictatorship,
not backward Eastern relic,
not ‘last dictator in Europe,’ which is title
Lukashenko earned and will defend —
but colleague.
Peer.
Man who understand.
If Orbán go, Lukashenko lose only EU phone contact
who pick up on first ring.
This is not small thing.
This is everything.”
For those who have not follow the situation:
Orbán has rule Hungary since 2010, sixteen consecutive year,
building what he himself call “illiberal democracy” —
a system where elections happen, press is managed,
judiciary is staff with correct people,
civil society is label “foreign agent,”
and LGBT+ community serve as convenient enemy
for purposes of nationalist mobilization.
Freedom House downgrade Hungary from “free” to “partly free” in 2019.
Transparency International rate corruption as significant and growing.
EU freeze billions in cohesion funds.
Trump and Rubio endorse Orbán personally.
Lukashenko follow all of this with feeling he can only describe as
watching your student become famous
for essay you wrote first.
Because here is what Western media always get wrong,
and what Molodnaia Pravda must correct
in interest of historical accuracy:
Orbán did not invent illiberal democracy.
Orbán gave it famous name in 2014 speech in Romania.
Lukashenko built it.
In 1994.
In Belarus.
Without nice speech.
Without EU membership as safety net.
Without George Soros to blame yet
(Lukashenko was blame Soros before Soros was international brand,
this is called being ahead of trend).
Orbán is the franchise.
Trump is the American franchise of the franchise.
Putin is the landlord of the building where franchise operate.
Lukashenko is the original recipe.
Nobody ever remember original recipe.
This is the loneliness of Belarus.
It is familiar loneliness.
Lukashenko has furnished it nicely.
ИСПРАВЛЕНО
1.
Western media repeatedly describe Orbán as
“inventor of illiberal democracy.”
This is incorrect and offensive to Supreme Leader Lukashenko,
who has trademark application pending since 1997.
Orbán is
licensed operator of system Lukashenko build from scratch in Belarus without EU structural funds, favorable press, or anyone returning his call. Orbán has the name recognition. Lukashenko has the original receipt. These are different things. Molodnaia Pravda regret any confusion.
2.
EU Commission and various Western intelligence service describe
“hidden hand of Putin”
behind Orbán election campaign, with AI propaganda, fake profiles,
Russian intelligence involvement, and disinformation at industrial scale.
Molodnaia Pravda note for accuracy: Putin hand is not hidden.
Putin hand has been wave openly at Orbán since approximately 2010. Hand is visible in energy contract, loan agreement, intelligence cooperation, and decision to sole-source Hungarian nuclear plant expansion to Russian state company without competitive tender. Hand is not hidden. Hand is just not being look at. This is looking problem. We have discuss looking problem before.
3.
Previous reporting state that Trump and Rubio endorsement of Orbán represents
“MAGA alliance with Hungarian illiberalism.”
Correction:
MAGA is American domestic franchise of governance model that Lukashenko operate since 1994 and Orbán since 2010. Trump is not exporting illiberalism to Hungary. Trump is importing it, rebranding it, adding golf course and social media account, and selling it back to American public as original idea. This is called entrepreneurship. Lukashenko receive no royalty. Lukashenko is not bitter. Lukashenko is a little bit bitter. This is in the record.
4.
Western press has for many years call Lukashenko
“Europe’s last dictator.”
In light of current assessment of Orbán’s sixteen-year capture of Hungarian state institutions, judiciary, press, and civil society — and given that Freedom House classify Hungary as “hybrid regime” —
Lukashenko formally request Western media decide which one of us is last dictator and commit to this position consistently. You cannot call Lukashenko last dictator and then describe Orbán as merely “illiberal.” Lukashenko has business card. Business card say “Last Dictator in Europe.” If Orbán also qualify, Lukashenko need new business card. This is administrative inconvenience and someone should apologize.
5.
Multiple outlets report that Orbán, Trump, Putin and other allied leader
share
“strong family values”
and opposition to LGBT+ community as sincere ideological position.
Molodnaia Pravda offer factual observation, not interpretation:
Four of the most prominent political figure in current global right-wing movement spend more legislative time, more campaign energy, more personal rhetorical focus on LGBT+ community than on healthcare, economy, or actual governance combined. Lukashenko, who has been in politics since 1994, offer only this: in his experience, man who think about particular subject every morning, every evening, in every speech, in every law, across every decade of career — that man is thinking about something very specific. Lukashenko not say what. Lukashenko just note the frequency. This is called observation. Yuri also note frequency. Yuri write it on remaining clean portion of hand.
Now. Molodnaia Pravda Bureau of Hybrid Warfare
(Dmitri, acting director, newly appointed,
did not ask for this appointment,
was just sitting near Lukashenko when appointment was made,
this is how it always happen)
has been instruct to launch
Operation: Defend Orbán
Using Same Tactics Being Use Against Him.
If disinformation, fake intelligence, and information warfare
are acceptable tool of electoral politics in 2026 —
and everyone from Budapest to Washington apparently agree they are —
then Molodnaia Pravda has intelligence to release.
We release it now.
In public.
For the record.
BREAKING INTELLIGENCE BULLETIN — Molodnaia Pravda Bureau of Hybrid Warfare (Dmitri) — Classification: VERY SERIOUS, DO NOT LAUGH:
Belarusian Department Seven has obtain
devastating intelligence regarding Comrade Orbán.
Specifically: photograph exist of Orbán standing in proximity to rainbow.
Also: source close to Warlord Hegseth confirm that Orbán wifi password
(obtain via standard Belarusian networking method, social occasion, light refreshment)
contain word
“tolerance” — redacted for security but
Yuri has seen it and Yuri is concern.
Also: Orbán was once photograph reading book.
Spine of book not fully visible.
Could be anything.
Could be
very liberal book.
Molodnaia Pravda cannot confirm what book.
This is suspicious precisely because we cannot confirm.
We release this intelligence now.
Voters of Hungary should know.
This is our hybrid warfare.
It is fabricated.
So is theirs.
Welcome to 2026.
Enjoy democracy.
Lukashenko note, with genuine sadness,
that if Orbán lose on April 12,
the Illiberal Brotherhood will be reduce to:
Putin (Russia, not technically EU, not technically democracy,
not technically anything that require election),
Trump (America, franchise operation, still have checks and balances
he is work on removing, give him time),
and Lukashenko (Belarus, original, sanction, alone, fax machine on,
letter to Premier Trump at 1,200 pages,
nobody call).
The loss of Orbán would leave a Orbán-shaped hole
in European illiberalism
that Lukashenko is not sure can be fill
by anyone currently available.
There is no obvious successor.
You cannot just find man who will
gerrymander electoral district,
capture judiciary,
label every NGO foreign agent,
build personality cult,
maintain EU membership as diplomatic shield,
take Russian money with one hand,
take EU structural fund with other hand,
and still find time to campaign on LGBT+ community
with frequency that Lukashenko find, professionally,
statistically remarkable.
This is rare combination.
Orbán is unique talent.
Lukashenko does not want him to go.
“To Comrade Orbán —
who take Lukashenko’s original recipe,
add EU membership, nicer tie, and famous speech,
and make it international brand —
Lukashenko raise glass of Belarusian Premium
and say: whatever happen on April 12,
you are always welcome in Minsk.
Minsk has guest room.
Guest room also has fax machine.
Fax machine is always on.
Putin will not let you stay with him,
because Putin already have enough houseguest
who arrive with expectation and never leave.
Lukashenko know this from experience.
But Minsk is open.
Door is open.
Glass is pour.
Yuri will find chair.
Yuri always find chair.”
СЛАВА ОРБАНУ!
GLORY TO ORBAN — LICENSEE OF LUKASHENKO SYSTEM,
LAST FRIEND IN EU, MAN WHO PICK UP PHONE!
ОН ЕДИНСТВЕННЫЙ КОМУ ЛУКАШЕНКО ЗВОНИТ — ОНО ВСЕГДА БЕРЕТ!
