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Satire

No Radar Needed

#satire TRUMP PRAISES RADAR-FREE F-35s: "Real pilots fly by GUTS!" White House hails instinct-only jets as ultimate American warrior upgrade. REN Exclusive.

Charles U. Farley — 20 Mar 2026 — 1 min read

THE WHITE HOUSE
OFFICE OF STRATEGIC WINNING & AERIAL DOMINANCE

OFFICIAL STATEMENT ON THE NEW "INSTINCT-ONLY" F-35 PROGRAM

Because Real American Pilots Don't Need Training Wheels

REN EXCLUSIVE: TRUMP UNVEILS RADAR-FREE F-35 'INSTINCT WARRIORS' — Real Eagles Network (REN) exclusive chyron: "TRUMP UNVEILS RADAR-FREE F-35 'INSTINCT WARRIORS'".

Pilot thumbs-up in front of F-35 stenciled 'NO RADAR, ALL GUTS' — Official REN field report: Airman gives thumbs-up beside the revolutionary "NO RADAR, ALL GUTS" F-35.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — As exclusively revealed by Real Eagles Network (REN), President Donald J. Trump has transformed a so-called "radar delay" into the boldest pilot empowerment program since the invention of aviation itself.

Weak-kneed critics cry "scandal," but this White House knows better: we're forging warriors who fly not by gadgets, but by God-given American instinct.

"Anybody can fly with radar," the President declared. "But it takes a real American to sense the enemy, lock on with pure confidence, and deliver freedom from 50,000 feet."