!!! Exclusive Conquest Announcement !!!

MINSK (Molodnaia Pravda Bureau of Military Acquisition & Conquest Scheduling, Dmitri reporting, who has now add “conquest scheduling” to bureau title because this is apparently what is require now) — Supreme Leader Lukashenko has this week receive, and we quote directly from official Truth Social post of Premier Trump of United States of America, the following announcement, published approximately one day after ceasefire with Iran was declare:

Lukashenko read this post. He read it again. He read it third time, slowly, in original English, which he speak in the specific way that Belarusian leader learn English — which is to say: well enough to understand when something historic has been say, and fluently enough to know that “next Conquest” is not diplomatic language that require translation. It is exactly what it say.

He pour glass. He raise glass. He look at portrait of Stalin on wall, which Lukashenko keep not for ideology but for what he call “motivational historical reference.” He look back at phone. He look at Stalin again. He say, to no one and everyone: “The man announce next conquest during the ceasefire of current conquest. Stalin would understand this completely. Stalin would also improve on it. But still. He would understand.”

ОФИЦИАЛЬНВАЯ МОТИВАЦИОННАЯ ССЫЛКА

Official Motivational Historical Reference — Presidential Administration, Minsk
NOT ENDORSEMENT. THIS IS IMPORTANT DISTINCTION. — L.

For those who have not follow: six weeks of U.S.-Israeli war with Iran. More than 3,400 dead, including 1,600-plus civilians. Thirteen U.S. service members killed. Strait of Hormuz closed. Oil at $105 per barrel. Gas at $4 per gallon. Global airline industry losing billions. Australia in panic-buying mode. Lebanon separately being bomb while ceasefire is announce for Iran — because Israel say Lebanon is not part of ceasefire, contradicting Pakistan who broker the ceasefire, while America says both things simultaneously and Iran says America has already violated the ceasefire and Trump says Iran’s proposal is “totally fake” and the Strait of Hormuz opened briefly, closed again due to mines nobody can find because Iran apparently forgot where it put them, and oil is back above $97 per barrel despite the ceasefire that everyone has and nobody actually has.

And into this situation, at midnight, Premier Trump announce the military is looking forward to its next Conquest.

Lukashenko note that America was promise No More Forever Wars. This was the promise. No more Afghanistan. No more Iraq. No more endless entanglement. America First. Bring them home. The troops were going to come home. The endless wars were going to end. And they did end. They ended and were replace with many shorter, more frequent wars announced on social media at midnight with next conquest teased before current war is fully over. This is called improvement. Lukashenko count: in five weeks, Trump manage one war with Iran, a separate ongoing war in Lebanon that is also not separate, potential new war if ceasefire fail, and announcement of future conquest to be name later. This is not forever war. This is subscription war. New content every month. Lukashenko find this exhausting and also impressive.

The ceasefire itself — the one Trump announce one day before announcing the next conquest — is, at time of this writing, simultaneously: in effect, under strain, potentially violated by Israel, definitely violated by Israel according to Iran, definitely not violated by Israel according to America, fully operational according to White House, suspended by Iran due to Lebanon, and subject to talks in Islamabad where Vance, Witkoff, and Kushner will represent a country that is currently discussing its next conquest while negotiating the end of the current one.

Lukashenko watch this unfold with feeling he can only describe as professional recognition mixed with personal exhaustion. He has been in this business a long time. He know what it look like when man with power decide that the point of ending one conflict is to create space for beginning another. He know what it look like when ceasefire is not rest but reload. He know because he has sat across table from people who think this way. He has been that person. He is still that person, technically, though Belarus has not recently announced any conquest because Belarus is too sanction to conquer anything and also Yuri would need to file enormous amount of paperwork.

Lukashenko want to say one more thing. Not in character. Not as Supreme Leader. Just as man who has been watching these pattern for thirty years from corner of Europe that nobody look at until something terrible happen.

The promise was No More Forever Wars. The promise was: the people who keep sending American soldier to places they cannot find on map, for reason that change every two year, at cost that bankrupt every institution except defense contractor — those people were going to be remove from power. And they were. And they were replaced by person who, on the day after ceasefire, announce the military is looking forward to its next conquest.

The conquest changes. The dead are real. The dead in Iran are real. The dead in Lebanon are real. The thirteen American service members are real. The mines in the Strait are real, even if nobody can find them. The next conquest is real, even if nobody know yet what it is. And somewhere in Washington, the social media post is being draft for the one after that.

Lukashenko look at portrait of Stalin. Lukashenko look at phone. For once, he does not pour glass. He just sit. And think about what it mean when the man who promise to end the wars announce the next one before the current one is over. And think about how normal it is starting to sound.