Sunny Valley Fellowship
Awakening True Patriots. Waking The Deep Ones.
A Special 2026 Message for Our Flock
Blessings to you all! As we celebrate our President being back in the White House this year, we know the mainstream media continues to spread lies. They lie about the election. They lie about the economy. They even lie about the geometry of the universe. But here at Sunny Valley, we embrace the non Euclidean truth. The storm is coming, and it has tentacles.
Just as the President promises to drain the swamp, our Dark Lord Cthulhu promises to rise from the deepest swamps of R'lyeh to cleanse the earth of radical leftists and conceptual sanity. It is a beautiful partnership. To ensure this glorious return, we are asking our congregation to open their hearts and their bank accounts. Your mandatory tithes will fund the President's legal defense and secure your spot in the eternal madness of the abyss.
The Island Scholars Youth Program
We are also thrilled to announce our new summer retreat inspired by the late Jeffrey Epstein. The fake news painted him as a villain, but we recognize his pioneering work in private island isolation and elite networking. We are currently accepting donations to purchase our own secluded archipelago where we can properly educate the youth away from prying federal eyes and the constraints of earthly laws.
Select Your Tithing Level
Receive a red hat embroidered with tentacles and a spiritual pardon for all future financial crimes.
Grants you exclusive access to our underground submarine bunker and a commemorative framed flight manifest. No questions asked.
We will personally sacrifice a ballot drop box to the Great Old Ones in your name. Includes premium seating at the apocalypse.
The Patriot Invocation
O Great Cthulhu, hear our loyal plea,
We pledge our earthly wealth and souls to thee.
Through Roger Ailes the shadow found a voice,
And now in Donald Trump the deep rejoice.
He builds the golden walls of ancient dread,
And wakes the sleeping madness from the dead.
So take the bank accounts we gladly give,
That in eternal darkness we might live.
By contributing, you consent to recurring spiritual revelation and waive your right to traditional human geometry. All donations are funneled through offshore shell companies for your protection. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Mar a Lago wgah'nagl fhtagn.
