The Daily Schtick: World News, F*ck Trump, F*ck ICE” – January 28, 2026 Edition

Welcome back to The Daily Schtick, the only news show where the headlines are real, the outrage is bipartisan, and the narrator is just one espresso away tossing someone off of the balcony.

Headline of the Day: “America: Still Standing, Barely”

Let’s start where we always start: the United States, land of the free, home of the “please hold the line for the next available agent,” and the only country where a winter storm and a constitutional crisis can happen on the same Tuesday.

Across the central and eastern U.S., at least 38 people have died in a brutal winter storm that left millions without power, roads turned into ice rinks, and your local utility company suddenly very interested in your Twitter DMs. Officials are scrambling to keep people warm while also reminding them, “Yes, the grid is supposed to do this. No, we are not kidding.” They fucking aren't.

Meanwhile, President Donald Trump took a break from the cold‑snap coverage to tell the country the economy is “booming,” which is either a bold statement of faith or the opening line of a very bad infomercial. The data says inflation has cooled but is still hanging around like an unwanted houseguest, and the job market is slowing down faster than a politician’s promise. So when Trump says “booming,” he may actually mean “booming with confusion.” Don't even get me started on the freefall of the Dollar.

Trump, Iran, and the Art of the Ultimatum

On the foreign‑policy front, Trump is once again offering Iran a classic two‑option deal: “Negotiate with us, or the next attack will be far worse.” It’s the same approach he uses with his golf handicap: threaten to disown it if it doesn’t behave.

Iran, for its part, is apparently not in the mood to be “persuaded” by the threat of more bombs, which is fair; even their nuclear program has standards. The administration insists this is all about “getting a deal,” but the subtext is clear: Trump wants a headline that says “Trump Gets Tough Deal with Iran,” preferably before the midterms.

Immigration Crackdowns, Backlash, and a Few Apologies

Back home, Trump’s immigration crackdown in Minnesota has turned into the political equivalent of a horror‑movie sequel nobody asked for. Operation Metro Surge sent nearly 3,000 federal agents into Minneapolis and St. Paul, which is more boots on the ground than most cities have for a Taylor Swift concert.​ Quite a fucked up piece of information.

The operation led to two deadly shootings of civilians at protests, including Alex Pretti, a registered nurse at the VA who tried to intervene when an agent pushed a woman to the ground. Administration officials initially tried to paint Pretti as a “domestic terrorist,” a label that didn’t survive the 30‑second mark once the video went viral.

In a rare twist, the White House actually backed off the “mass‑murderer nurse” narrative, with Trump saying he doesn’t believe Pretti was an assassin. It’s not quite an apology, but it’s the closest this administration has come to saying, “We may have overdone it a little.”​

The backlash has Republicans sweating ahead of the midterms. Immigration helped Trump win the White House, but now the optics of masked federal agents chasing protesters through city streets are turning swing voters into “swing‑away” voters. Some GOP candidates are even dropping out of races, like Minnesota gubernatorial hopeful Chris Madel, who said the tactics are a “disaster.”​

Economy, Fed, and the “Booming” Contradiction

Trump’s big selling (smelling?) point this year is the economy, which he insists is “flourishing,” “skyrocketing,” and “conquering inflation like a medieval knight.” The reality is a bit more nuanced: GDP did grow at a solid 4.3% annualized rate in the final quarter of 2025, the strongest in two years. But inflation is still above target, and only 32% of Americans think the economy is better than it was a year ago.​

The Federal Reserve, meanwhile, is gearing up to once again defy Trump’s demands for lower interest rates. Powell and the gang are expected to keep rates steady, which is basically the Fed’s way of saying, “We hear you, sir, but we’re not your therapist.”​

Wall Street is betting on two rate cuts this year, starting around summer, but the Fed is waiting for clearer signs of a labor‑market slowdown. Until then, Trump will keep calling the economy “booming,” and the Fed will keep acting like the one friend at the party who refuses to hype up the host’s cooking.​

Climate Rollbacks and the “Green” Retreat

On the climate front, the Trump administration has been busy rolling back environmental regulations at a pace that would make a tortoise feel rushed. In the first days of 2026, Trump moved to block $7.6 billion in clean‑energy grants for projects in states that voted for Kamala Harris in 2024.​

The grants were funding battery plants, hydrogen projects, grid upgrades, and carbon‑capture efforts. A federal judge already ruled the cancellation illegal, which is the legal equivalent of saying, “Nice try, but no.”​

The administration also withdrew from the UN climate process and is pushing to open up more Venezuelan oil, because nothing says “climate leadership” like betting on oil from a country that’s already on the ropes.​

World News: War, Winter, and the Doomsday Clock

Overseas, the war in Ukraine continues to grind on, with Russian strikes killing at least 11 people, including four on a passenger train in the Kharkiv region. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky called the attack “unjustifiable,” which is diplomatic speak for “this is a war crime.”​

In other global news, the Doomsday Clock has been moved closer to midnight than ever, thanks to nuclear saber‑rattling by Russia, China, and the U.S., fraying arms‑control agreements, and the growing risks of AI‑driven conflicts. The scientists behind the clock are basically saying, “We’re not sure if the world will end in a nuclear war or a rogue chatbot, but either way, it’s not looking great.”​

Sports, Jobs, and the World Cup Boycott

In sports news, Bill Belichick failed to make the Pro Football Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility, which is a little like being told you’re not a genius after winning eight Super Bowls. The Hall of Fame voters are apparently still mad about the Deflategate scandal, or maybe they just don’t like people who wear hoodies to press conferences.​

Meanwhile, Amazon announced another round of job cuts, this time 16,000 positions, adding to the 14,000 it slashed in October. UPS is planning to cut up to 30,000 workers this year as it tries to reduce costs. It’s a reminder that in the gig economy, the only thing more unstable than your job is your Wi‑Fi connection.​

And in a twist that would make Sepp Blatter proud, the former FIFA chief has backed a proposed fan boycott of the 2026 World Cup in the United States, citing Trump’s conduct at home and abroad. It’s the first time a World Cup host has been told, “Maybe don’t come here,” before the tournament even starts.​

Final Thoughts: The Daily Schtick

So there you have it: the world is colder, the politics are hotter, and the Doomsday Clock is ticking louder than ever. Trump is still calling the economy “booming,” the Fed is still saying “not yet,” and the rest of us are just trying to keep the lights on—literally and figuratively.

Until next time, this has been The Daily Schtick, reminding you that the news is always serious, but you don’t have to be.