The Daily Schtick: Shutdowns, Showdowns, and Schtick – January 29, 2026

Washington is lurching toward a government shutdown again, which proves Congress has two speeds: gridlock and “oops, we did it again.” This time the drama stars immigration raids, masked federal agents, and senators who suddenly discovered a conscience right before a funding deadline.

Shutdown Chicken: Capitol Hill Edition

• Senate Democrats are threatening to block a big funding bill unless Trump agrees to rein in ICE and Border Patrol tactics after deadly shootings in Minneapolis.
• Their demands: no more mystery‑cop cosplay (unmask the agents), visible IDs, and actual warrants before people get dragged off the street—radical stuff like “basic rule of law.”
• If no deal lands by Friday night, parts of the government go dark, again, like your friend who rage‑quits Twitter every three months and always comes back.

Trump, sensing that “Trump Causes Second Shutdown in Three Months” is not a great campaign slogan, is suddenly very open to negotiating. There’s even talk of splitting off Homeland Security funding to buy time, which is congressional for “let’s shove the hard part into next week’s panic.”

Minneapolis Fallout: When TV Footage Beats Spin

The political fuse on all this is still Minneapolis, where immigration raids left two protesters dead and the administration’s tough‑guy narrative collapsed the second video hit the air. Trump tried the usual playbook—label the dead nurse a “terrorist,” blame local leaders—but even his allies admitted the footage made that line impossible to sustain.

Behind the scenes, Trump pushed out the hard‑line Border Patrol official running the operation and toned down his rhetoric, because nobody “understands television better than him,” as one Republican senator helpfully reminded reporters. When your policy shifts are driven by B‑roll rather than briefings, you’re not governing—you’re doing live focus groups.

Iran, Tariffs, and World News, Our Style

Abroad, Trump is still turning foreign policy into his favorite genre: threats with optional plot. He continues to warn Iran that the “next attack will be far worse” if they don’t come to the table on nukes, which is less a strategy and more an angry Yelp review with missiles.

On the economic front, he’s also slapping 25% tariffs on South Korean imports, then assuring everyone they’ll “work out a solution,” which is exactly what you say right after you start the bar fight. Somewhere in Seoul, a trade negotiator just added “American mood swings” as a line item in the risk assessment.

Americans, Optional

Meanwhile, more than a million fewer people have enrolled in Obamacare for 2026 now that enhanced subsidies have expired and premiums have shot up. Shocking development: when health care gets more expensive, fewer people buy it. Next up: scientists discover water is wet.

The White House says this is proof people don’t need “big government health care,” while millions of Americans are busy Googling “how to cure everything with chamomile and vibes.” If this keeps up, the only universal coverage in the U.S. will be “thoughts and prayers”—and even those might be subject to copays.

Around the World in 80 Headaches

Beyond the Beltway madness:

• Europe is inching toward labeling Iran’s Revolutionary Guard a terrorist group, as foreign ministers meet in Brussels to compare notes on sanctions, repression, and how many crises one continent can juggle at once.
• Severe winter storms are still hammering parts of the U.S., leaving power outages and travel chaos in their wake, because if Washington doesn’t shut down the country, the weather’s happy to audition.
• Global headlines are a rotating cast of trade spats, security fears, and nuclear‑weapon anxiety, all helpfully summarized in “5 things to know today” lists so you can panic efficiently over breakfast.

Today’s Moral

So for January 29, your Daily Schtick is this: Congress might shut down the government over immigration abuses, health care is quietly becoming a luxury item, Trump is threatening Iran and taxing South Korea, and Europe is trying to keep the world from catching fire while it snows in America.

In other words: same planet, new episode.